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Gentlemen Thieves

by emperor penguin

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    Hand-crafted from finest plastic, in a lovely cover designed by Emperor Penguin's own Nigel Winfield. Interior gatefold reveals the legend of the Gentlemen Thieves.

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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 13 emperor penguin releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Gentlemen Thieves, Sunday Carvery, Corporation Pop!, Barbed Wire and Brass E.P., Palaces and Slums EP, Taken For A Ride E.P., Talk To Me, Soak Up The Gravy, and 5 more. , and , .

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1.
I met a girl who looked like Eleanor Bron With a Steely Dan T-shirt on she was the dairy queen of W1 a hundred metres not a marathon I met a Kim who thought that she was wild She made me laugh because she never smiled in twenty minutes she had me beguiled Another siren with a sulky style And what she has I’ll never get Because I’ve not stopped dreaming yet And I recall with fond regret We’re only human What’s the worst that could happen? You could say it was a college crush And we never really stayed in touch I like to think I didn’t miss her much Like folded faces in a royal flush And what she has I’ll never get Because I’ve not stopped dreaming yet And I recall with fond regret We’re only human What’s the worst that could happen? The painted nails of an eagle A pair of owls by her side Blindfold and regal Her justice cannot be denied
2.
I tried to write a song to tell you how I feel But all my rhymes went wrong, in couplets that reveal Classical references are my Achilles heel If you’re trying to sweet talk me, you’d better polish your poetry If you serve me with platitudes, my attitude will be combative I can be garbled and gormless - flustered, flummoxed and formless I’m only a serf, and you’re an aristocrat You put the poetry in me, now you just want to bin me You can call me a hack - I wouldn’t put it like that All of my syllables overstressed, I’ve got emotions I can’t express Hold your tongue, here’s a tip for you; your lips might kiss what your mouth can’t speak to, right now... Though I come across as pedantic I’m a hopeful romantic I like a popular song even when it’s old hat When you’re singing my praises with pedestrian phrases I got one caveat; I wouldn’t put it like that You don’t have to speak French or ancient Greek. I know what you mean, I can tell you’re keen Songs are for the birds, in Aristophanes’ words. I lack artistry, dropped out of Varsity
3.
He spent a year or two with a fire in his head And caught a fish alive with a berry on a thread When she called his name and ran into the wood Whatever’s up her sleeve he knows it’s something good To see her glimmering with blossom in her hair In another half an hour he knows she will be there The patience of the optimist with an enigmatic smile Will hear the whistle blow and walk her down the aisle The season will turn and every flower call to the bees Keep walking for hours and sleep in the shade beneath the trees And he will dream before the time and times are done Of the silver moon and golden apples of the sun
4.
Since I woke up here you have disappeared I haven’t seen a soul about. These streets are paved with fear Everything’s wrong, nothing is right, and it seems I live in a town called Gone with a population of one and that’s me Everything’s changed, nothing’s the same, I’m living in a place where I don’t belong There’s no road out, I can’t escape and relocate to the place my heart calls home This house is not my friend, on that I can depend The walls keep closing in at night, those stairs I daren’t descend The clocks say seven to midnight, I’ve forgotten what daylight looks like What have I done to deserve this? I have a map but it makes no sense at all And the bus station’s empty, how can I get away? Everything’s wrong, nothing is right, and it seems I live in a town called Gone with a population of one and that’s me Everything’s changed, nothing’s the same, I’m living in a place where I don’t belong There’s no road out, I can’t escape and relocate to the place my heart calls home I just wanna go home
5.
DHL Herbal smell Medicated drivers on the road 21st century opioid overload DUI We’re so high The city planner’s dream goes up in smoke We’re only normal blokes In every other van Sits another man Adding to the jam On temazepam Scrolling on his phone Slowly getting stoned Low emission zone We ride, tonight we’re driving blind We’re fried, we leave the world behind Shit tattoos Special brew Watch out there’s a hipster at the wheel Half a ton of steel will get you up to speed on hydroponic weed. They pay you chickenfeed But you’ve got all you need Didn’t read the signs Never saw the lines Chase me for the fines We ride, tonight we’re driving blind We’re fried, we leave the world behind We ride, tonight we’re driving blind Cross-eyed, out of our tiny minds
6.
Someone’s home no lights are on, Are you sleeping Brother John? I have a name that you won’t spell, all quiet ‘til you ring the bell He’ll take your peace without a fight, a silent thief who came at night What’s mine is yours and yours is mine, until he hits you one more time And you’re free again, thanks to me again You can fly away, no-one dies today Fix my sights on a northern star, and navigate to where you are And try to break loving grip, a saviour with a wrinkled lip You blow like blossom through the trees, a sunlit blizzard on the breeze Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the most vacant of them all? He ran away to find the truth, surrounded by the hopes of youth For ninety years in just one night, the space expanded into flight Like toast the poison’s golden brown, and concrete boots will weigh him down Behind a door without a lock, the oily waters of the dock Sonnez les Matines Sonnez les Matines Sonnez les Matines Sonnez les Matines
7.
Pipistrelle that’s the one I love so well, Daddy please don’t ever tell, when I grow up I want to be a... Pipistrelle, little girl I know so well, black pyjamas raising hell, flitting round the garden at midnight Go to bed, Daddy doesn’t sleep so well, doesn’t like the decibels while you chase your friends in the moonlight I know you love them, no you can’t keep them they don’t belong, don’t belong to anyone Yes I know they eat bugs, doesn’t mean to say that you have to also, spit that one out now Why do you love them? Yes I know they’re furry, they fly around and make no sound they’re fast asleep throughout the day Come back to bed now, or I’ll be dead at work in the morning, while you’re still snoring This fixation breeds frustration when your Dad is trying to sleep Little girls like you should be in bed not roaming round the garden Pipistrelle that’s the one I love so well, Daddy please don’t ever tell, when I grow up I want to be a... THERE IT GOES AGAIN! Pipistrelle, little girl I know so well, black pyjamas raising hell, flitting round the garden at midnight Go to bed, Daddy doesn’t sleep so well, doesn’t like the decibels while you chase your friends in the moonlight Come now, get back up those stairs now, forget about the prayers now, I know the bats are out but we both need to sleep “But Daaaad.....” "BED!”
8.
In the dead of night, lights are burning bright, at the shop In the midnight hour, accumulating power, we don’t stop We’re talking in your sleep While you’re counting sheep We’ll take you deeper If you join the team You get to live the dream, be a persuader When the door is locked and the way is blocked we come through You can hide away, you can dream all day, we’ll get to you. We take the useless time In the sleeping mind Of the consumer. We’re creating memes And infiltrating dreams - We’re the persuaders If you’ve got what it takes They’ll take you on If you can stay awake From dusk till dawn effectiveness is guaranteed We understand your hidden need. If you’ve got the will, you’ll be fulfilled night after night If you’ve got the skills to sell a thrill, you’ll do alright. We’ve got the magic beans We’ll steal the soft machine We’re space invaders. It’s legal and true It could be perfect if you Join the persuaders Dreaming, monetise dreaming It’s a dream job!
9.
I was a gardener who didn’t let the garden grow Assumptions harden when you cultivate the status quo Dreams fade when the sun rises, See the flowers as they turn their heads to watch you go by Willows whiten and the aspens tremble in delight Morning brightens and the agitated birds take flight Mr Newton was wrong, clearly, this attraction is stronger than the gravity that captured me. You made me see I am a planet that’s drawn towards your universe, look out for meteors intent on changing better for worse Lost in the dark, with the quarks and quasars, which could come first Under the sun, we’re all dust that’s come from the stars in the cosmos, you are my atmosphere Like a lighthouse sends a beam into the stormy night Sick of shadows, I responded to your guiding light Dark matter and string theory, My philosophy was probably impractical My calculations couldn’t clarify the things I saw, My foundations were diminished by a fatal flaw This feeling defies reason, this finding implies I’m just a particle conducted by a natural law I am a comet that trails around your universe, a shape in the night, flying fast as light and speeding to earth Venus and Mars and a million stars were there at your birth Under the sky, you and I were made from dust of the cosmos, you are my atmosphere I am an atom, a tiny speck in your universe, part of the pattern, since Eve and Adam, better or worse A poet who dreamed of a cosmic scheme, and wrote it in verse Under the sky, you and I were made from dust of the cosmos, you are my atmosphere
10.
Ladybird 02:38 video
Keep your junk out of my inbox Keep your spam out of my grill Take your fingers from the till I’ve got beans to spill and you make me ill, so take a pill You’re like the scratches on my records You’re like an insect in the ear Every month feels like a year. And you interfere So, grab your gear and disappear. Why don’t you leave me alone? Don’t ring my door bell and don’t call my phone Ladybird fly away home Your house is on fire and your children are gone. Why don’t you leave me alone? Don’t ring my door bell and don’t call my phone Ladybird fly away home Your house is on fire and your children are gone. Poor little Johnny lies under a stone
11.
I remember where the flowers grew I miss the garden where I first saw you I remember where the cabin stood - In the clearing of the ancient wood. Before the fall there was an empty page A can of beans and a living wage I can recall when you shook my hand, And said we had to leave the promised land You and me Always getting closer You and me I can’t forget the rainy afternoons We spent together in the Wetherspoons. The most alive that we had ever felt - A Brexit bonus and a chicken melt. How far will you go when you look for love? You’re getting closer, every path you roam. The soil below and the stars above Close a circle and return you home Red skies in the morning, meat pies in the evening I’d paint a picture but I haven’t got the skill No-one knows where it’s leading And your hairline’s receding We keep on living but it’s just more time to kill. You and me Always getting closer You and me We’re getting closer every day
12.
Keep your friends at a distance, Your enemies near With every expectation of a glittering career Stagger down the cellblock, spitting out teeth If there’s any kind of justice I will surely be released She met him on a Monday. Her heart stopped still Still dreaming of the one day right until she’d had her fill Sweating on a tube train, stopped in the dark With every little victory you’re sure to make your mark It’s been a long time since they took the key, that locked away my dignity Three more years, three more years, three more years and I’m out of here I’m sorry, we’re not available right now I’m sorry, your application’s disallowed I’m sorry, but you’ll have to start again. How worried, on a scale from one to ten? Sweet dreams baby, to a drowning girl There’s just one little problem that I hope you will uncurl He’s got a reputation, as a gentleman thief Smashing up the kitchen with a rose between his teeth Three more years, three more years, three more years and I’m out of here

about

'First rate psych pop - positively groovy' - Powerpop News

'Emperor Penguin, channeling the vibes of Elvis Costello and XTC, brings you an unmistakably English sound that hits all the right notes. It doesn't get more British and trust us, that's a good thing!' - SweetSweetMusic

'Wonderfully performed, arranged and produced, Gentlemen Thieves reveals a mastery of the art of songwriting... Emperor Penguin do get better and better... awe inspiring.' - I Don't Hear a Single

’Anglophilic psychedelic pop… Each song is a carefully constructed gem. Highly recommended.' Powerpopaholic

'Wonderful! Another winner!' David Bash, International Pop Overthrow.

'Kick-ass powerpop... Guitar muscle and terrific melodies.' Professor Powerpop.

'Emperor Penguin swims ashore with a trunk of gorgeous sounds in the tradition of baroque, elegant power pop pioneered by XTC.' Remember the Lightning.

'An exceptional album... which predict will rank very high in several year-end charts when the time comes.’ Under The Tangerine Tree

“He’s got a reputation as a gentlemen thief, smashing up the kitchen with a rose between his teeth…”

For their new album on Kool Kat Musik, Emperor Penguin have cast themselves in the role of Gentlemen Thieves, in essence a literary and folkloric tradition of ‘bad boys with charm, and a veneer of manners masking their misdeeds’ which runs from the legendary posh and thuggish Elizabethan ‘Cursed Crew’ through the Mohocks and Nickers of Georgian London, via the 20th Century tales of Raffles, to the alleged delusions of grandeur of more recent criminal (master)minds.

Like all their albums, Gentlemen Thieves is an event. It comes wrapped in stunning artwork by their in-house designer, crafted with the assistance of producer Jamie McAvoy, studded with twelve new self-penned jewels, and hallmarked with their meticulous attention to detail, great tunes, rock & roll power, mischief, fun and mayhem.

Driving Blind targets the menace of spliff-addled delivery drivers clogging the streets of the capital, Pipistrelle has Wednesday Addams and other weird kids creeping into your subconscious, Silver Apples muses on the fickleness of devotion and the poetry of W B Yeats, Ladybird rants against the annoying things in life and Sonnez Les Matines leads you through a nightmare dreamscape from a Rice Paper Tea House to the bottom of a freezing harbour. Once again, the genteel felons are abetted by their regular accomplice Lisa Mychols, who sings lead on You are My Atmosphere and duets with Nigel "Stiletto" Winfield on I Wouldn't Put it LIke That.

Strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride…

credits

released January 18, 2024

DRAMATIS PERSONAE. The identities revealed!

The Gentlemen Thieves – Emperor Penguin

-The Cracksman: Neil Christie (vocals, guitar, keyboards)
-The German: J.T. (vocals, bass, guitar, keyboards)
-Stiletto: Nigel Winfield (vocals, guitar, bass, keyboards)
-Springheel the Illusionist: Richard Wilson (drums)

Emperor Penguin accept responsibility for planning
and executing the entire HORRID affair.

Their appalling accomplices:
Production and engineering by Jamie McEvoy at Baltic
Studios, Dalston.
Assistance from James Bennett at Swanyard
Music, Retford on tracks 2, 4, 7 and 9.

Lisa Mychols – vocal on You Are My Atmosphere,
I Wouldn’t Put It Like That and Pipistrelle.
Charlotte Guy – vocal on Pipistrelle.

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emperor penguin UK

Savage Frenzy Productions is proud to present those peerless purveyors of powerful pop: EMPEROR PENGUIN.
Nigel: guitar, bass, vocals
JT: guitar, bass, vocals, harmonica, ebow
Rich: drums
Neil: guitar, vocals, keyboards, computer stuff
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